Thursday, July 22, 2010

Having something to say


It's been nearly a month since I've blogged and I must say.... I needed that. I just haven't had that much to say. Actually, perhaps I've had too much to say. Those things tend to go hand in hand, as odd as that may sound.

From time to time I get tired of things. Tired of people. Tired of jewelry. Tired of other people's jewelry. Tired of my need to waste time looking at things that will in no way further my own work or cultivate the type of inspiration that can feed my creative soul. I get tired of reading about people who say things like "creative soul." I get tired of learning lessons and finding meaning in everything or beauty in unexpected places. Beauty is everywhere, I know, but maybe it would be more fun to find the ugly in things; look at something, pick out the least attractive part and just let it be ugly. There is real, honest beauty in that.

The past month has been less than great. It's felt like a series of blows to the head (including two actual blows to the head which may explain this blog post) that have left me dulled. I've had the feeling of needing more coffee for weeks now - a substance to wake me up and make me resemble something human. This fog will lift, I know.

I've been thinking too much a lot and reassessing my work and there will be changes in the future. I need to make work that pleases me first and foremost and then I just have to hope that everyone else will feel the same way. I'm done working for others. I take zero pleasure in that, as selfish as that may make me sound, but I think it's what every artist should do. Prostitution might pay, but what good is it when it's no longer fun?

And on that note.... I'll bid you goodnight. It's three in the morning and I'm starting to feel like I might actually be able to get some sleep. Thanks for reading, if you made it this far. And please, don't take any of my comments personally. I am not taking about anyone in particular or about any specific thing - I am just ranting about anything and nothing. That's what crazy people do. ;)


25 comments:

Davinia said...

Sometimes it's good to just vent. Hope your feeling more your old self soon, or maybe you would rather feel like a new self...whichever it is I'm sure it will work itself out.

Emerald Window said...

You deserve a break. And good art IS made for the artist, not the customer. So please yourself and others will be pleased in the process. Do you need a little inspiration kit? Some beady goodies to play with? Let me know, it helps tremendously.
Cenya

Regina said...

I hope you slept well and wake up refreshed in mind and body.

Nicki said...

I feel like I am in the same state of mind but I can't find the words to describe it. Take whatever it needs to be you.

helen said...

I'm not really editing this and I'm mildly embarrassed by it and I hope you like it.

THANK YOU for saying all this. I DO take what you say personally because I think about these things all the time and am also in a big flux right now.

I think "reflection fatigue" is completely natural, and good. If I'm constantly using my outside artist's voice it wavers me from my path, so I'm trying to work in waves of being internal, focused, doing my work then coming out to talk about it, write about it, (and sell it!) when I must. It's tricky. I think that I'm good at fighting the urge to be omnipotently upbeat, but even the need to constantly emote in any direction can be a suck.

I'm also trying, simply, to not look at everything. Especially everything on the internet! I'm sort of gathering a solid core of what/who really inspires me and tuning out the stuff that is petty or shallow or chips away at me in any way. cough cough etsyforum cough. Sometimes I don't realize how those things seep into me until it's too late.

About making work that pleases you: I'm coming to realize that although a lot of people tell me what they want to see, the work people really respond to is the work that pleases me. And there are a whole bunch of people orbiting your life, most of them other artists, who are waiting to respond to work that is directly yours, for lack of a better phrase. I don't mean that you aren't doing that at all now, I just mean that whenever I see the work of artists who are on a path and I see them moving along it in their own way and they share the results of their path by presenting work to the world I feel a gigantic YES well up in me. It's like I waited my whole life for them to spit out that painting, or song, or mug and YES they did it! Sometimes I think the only real, good, sustaining reason to work is for ourselves and for the other people who get the big YES.

~helen

bellajoya said...

Ya' know, my man always says..."The longer you spend on the computer looking at other people's work, the more it kills your creativity." He's right. Take your break, there's no shame in it.

cookingwithgas said...

Amen-

Erin said...

You have to make yourself happy first. It's the only way to live. When you are doing what YOU are passionate about, then everything else falls into place. I truly believe that and I 'try' to live by it as much as I can. If something isn't working for me, I have no problem changing at the drop of a hat! :) I would just cut whatever isn't working for you, no apologies necessary and focus on what is.

Mari said...

Life is short, find your happiness!

BeaderBubbe said...

Boy, do you sound depressed. Well get going and dig yourself out. I know the feeling, so this weekend I booked a B&B for a weekend getaway...when I feel like this, I make a list of all the things I am thankful for in life...and there are many....on your list you can add the magazine you had your items published in and the 1400 items you sold at Etsy....I also sell on Etsy and have sold only 1 item...so there, be thankful...and I am sure there are so many other things .... you are just in the dumps, so pick yourself up and change things even a change of scenery helps...and remember the list....Accept the things you cannot change; and change the things you can....

mairedodd said...

follow your own truth - wherever it leads... as an incredibly talented woman, if you keep it real, it will speak...

peacockfairy said...

I can totally relate with what you are saying Nancy. I too, feel lately that I do not have much to blog about, and that my recent posts are uninteresting. It's normal to go through these phases I guess. It's hard to keep up with the pace..........

Spirited Earth said...

reassesment..
a good thing..
i've done the same product with only small variations for over 20yrs..
this spring the burned out feeling took over..
it's lead me to the beading community which is a refreshing place to be..(for me)
my thought, make whatever changes it takes to make you feel contented and alive.

Gardanne said...

You're not crazy.

Diana P. said...

Nancy, I made the ugliest pinch pot the other day and you know what? It felt good just to do something for me. That ugly pot will never be pretty and it will never sell but who cares. I didn't want to stand around making 50 more charms or 20 more pendants. Sometimes you just need a break and sometimes you just need to do something for you and no one else.

hint said...

Thanks for saying this out loud! Ditto on everything :)

TesoriTrovati said...

Oh yes. You need to be completely happy with what you create. It is when you are at peace with what you create that you can grow. And I do believe in fallow seasons. When a farmer leaves a field to fallow, there is no planting but there is nurturing. Because the soil needs a rest before growing great things. I think that creatives need that fallow season most of all.

You do what feels right. We will be here behind you all the way to help you grow.

Enjoy the day, Nancy!
Erin

Kristen said...

Not crazy just normal! I think we all feel that way sometimes and well...let's face it as we get older we sometimes tend to see more bad than good! I won't be throwing a positive at you right now cuz it isn't time. Try to sleep and enjoy the coffee!

Aesthetic Outburst... said...

Thinking about you. Glad you're keeping the 'interwebs' real, my friend. Now let's go get a cocktail. :) Toothfull is calling our names. xo, Abbey

Gaea said...

Nice to see you are feeding your creative "bunnies" and they are up hoppin' again!

maryharding said...

Nancy, you are always so honest. That is a great strength. It will take you where you need and want to go. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us.

sandi m said...

Nancy, Your words remind me of a rather well-know lampwork glass artist who has been in the biz 10+ years making beads,jewelry and teaching. Her work does not follow any fads; she's doesn't work with the 'latest' glass colors or make beads in the 'latest' shapes.
She has HER own style and knows that it's not everyone's style. She has a very loyal customer base. I respect her for that (and am glad I love her style!).
Her words resonate when I look too much at other's work. I'm reminded to create what I like, what colors I feel comfortable with, what media I want to explore, and not think about some 'trend' that will fade away like yesterday's news.
When you are true to yourself, your true art will emerge. You have so much talent - let it bloom.
(And I do think time away from the internet world is good for the soul.)
Thanks for sharing a piece of your world...

Pretty Things said...

What a great post -- and I say that because it's good to know yourself, know that you have to do what's good for YOU.

I'm in the same place, have been for a long time, struggling with many things. So I empathize.

Venting is good for the soul. You have friends here. I hope you know that I'm one of them who is more than happy to listen anytime you need.

lisa b. said...

I wish I had your self confidance and conviction. I also believe that you should create for yourself first. With your style I'm sure all of us will follow your lead. I know alot of us feel exactly the way that you have mentioned in this post (just sick of it all)but do not have the courage to say so. Thank You for your inspiraton!

boltandfrolic said...

Thank you for sharing— I, too, can relate to so much of what you're saying here... being tired of things, even 'good' things. It's brave to admit having Divine discontent, (feeling depressed,) especially when ya figure people expect/want to see positivity/productivity kept up all the time. (Sometimes I wonder if I ought to even begin a blog, as I know I often tend to let my 'field go fallow,' as TesoriTrovati aptly put it.) I haven't even felt like twittering much lately.
It is good to know, tho, that 'this too shall pass.' It helps when riding out the low times.

I hope you're feeling better this weekend and having lots of snuggle time with the buns. ( Bunnies really do make everything better : )
H+H send sweet nose bonks!