Saturday, February 20, 2010

My pity party... and you're all invited

So so tired. This has been a very busy week. Many, many hours in the studio. Many, many hours sanding, glazing, loading kilns, unloading kilns... There are days when I wish I could chronicle just what goes into doing what I do. I know there are many of you who understand completely. Those of you who make your entire living from what you make with your hands. Those who sell online, do shows, sell wholesale, promote, photograph, network, blog, ship... and that isn't even the actual making part. My work day lasts all day, every day. I feel guilty when I stop for even an hour. I can't even relax and watch TV without feeling like I should be working at the same time. So I do. I make pieces, I make components, I stamp bags to get ready for shows, I line boxes with tissue, I make lists of supplies that I desperately need and rarely can afford, I fill out show applications, I write articles for publication... suddenly this time of relaxation is no longer that.

It's a different ballgame when creating isn't your hobby, it's your living. It is both stressful and therapeutic. It is both enslaving and liberating. It is often solitary and solipsistic. There are days when it feels effortless and others when each and every move drains all the blood from my body.

So this is the part where I'm supposed to say "And yet I would have it no other way! I love what I do!" Well, yes, it's true, but still... it's hard and don't let anyone tell you differently.

Having said all that and gotten it out of my system, I am done feeling whiny and sorry for myself. And please, don't feel obligated to cater to my mood. I know you all know where I am coming from and have felt the same way from time to time and I thank you for indulging me during my pity party (...if you read this far, and I would not blame you if you didn't!).

(Yes, I changed my background again. I think I am done now. I needed some color, the last brown one was just toooooooo brown.)

16 comments:

Gaea said...

You mean I'm not the only one that feels that the world will come to a crashing halt if I stop and do something for "me"? We should start a group. Oh wait. we'll all be to busy to go!

Round Rabbit said...

Haha! So true Gaea... but still, we should start a group.

Lorelei said...

N- Florida is only a plane ride away.
:)

I hope it slows down, or gets easier. whichever comes first.

hang in there!

Amy Nicole/RubyMtnBeads said...

love the new background!

mairedodd said...

i told you before, i fully endorse whine-y wednesdays! :0)
there is not a demarcated work day with this type of love/work... and so every moment calls to you telling you that you should/could be doing something productive... i go to bed with my idea journal at my side... you function at a very high level of productivity... though i know you won't listen, you have to give yourself a bit of 'fun' time - or you will burn out so badly you may singe the rabbit fur that is near to you when you go up in flames... and we are not as resilient as the phoenix - so try not to get to that point...

Kella said...

This backgound is the bom don't change a thing.

Andrew Thornton said...

You nailed it on the head. We need a support group.

Kirsten said...

Awww....we all feel that way from time to time Nancy. I really admire your driven spirit and meticulous approach to your work. You are an amazing Artist! And it looks like I'm about to do this at just the right time... I hope this lifts your spirits and brightens your day....

Because you are so inspiring to me, have a wonderfully happy and creative blog, I am passing on the "Sunshine Blog Award" to you! I look forward to enjoying more of your beautiful posts and amazing creativity! And I’m encouraging my readers to follow your blog as well…….. Thanks for the inspiration!
http://gardenvibe.blogspot.com/2010/02/sunshine-award.html

Rosanne said...

XOXOXOX

Rosanne said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
stregata said...

I really like this background.
And Mary Jane is right - you need to take some time for yourself - burnout is a dangerous thing.

Patti said...

Your background really compliments your work, which is great! A bit of time for yourself is a needfull thing. Think of it as an investment, not only for your business, but for yourself!

LLYYNN - Lynn Davis said...

Nancy, I can relate to what you're saying, a while back I was a production weaver doing custom garments and there were times when I thought I would never do anything fun or for me again. You express it well, the exchange between doing something as a creative release as a hobby and doing it to put the bacon in the refrigerator and keep the electricity turned on.

Still, though, not having to straddle the fence between what you do for money and what you do for love has attractions - who was it that said "if you do what you love for a living you'll never work a day in your life" - about loving to jump out of bed every day because you know you'll be doing something you enjoy all day.

Hang in there, and do remember to take a break sometimes - you need to refill the well every so often...

Marbella Jewelry Designs said...

i have that guilt too, i feel i should be doing something productive every minute of the day.
but we have to learn to let go and separate ourselves from our work and have some fun. it's ok

Tam Hess said...

Yes! I totally know what you mean and where you're coming from. Hang in there! xoxo

Jolee said...

I love the background, I hope you keep this one.